Ashley Rose | 20 | Filipina | Boston, MA | Senior: OIM & Psych
This is my blog, I basically post about my life and what's on my mind.
*I don't always follow back but I will check your blog. If you really want me to follow you, talk to me. :]
You Don’t Have the Right - The Saturdays
But I still remember
All the hell you put me through, all the tears cried over you
You can’t keep coming back
It’s not fair
You don’t have the right to call me
Acting just like nothing’s really changed and that everything’s the same
I’ve gotten comments of how I wasn’t me back at the beginning of the semester and looking back I completely forgot how trapped I was in my memories and negativity from the summer. I’m glad I took a lot of classes and I’m doing club activities because lord knows how I’d be doing laying around watching Netflix all day.
People say I look happier now, more like myself and I can feel that. I’m fairly busy but I like where I am now and there are people in my life who appreciate and accept that.
It’s good to know we’re on the same page and seem to have similar standards.
This week I learned that I like beers after a long day and wine for when I want to get tipsy on my own. Can tomorrow night just come faster please? Anticipation kills me.
People have been asking how you are and where you’ve been, but all I tell them is that you broke my heart and walked away like nothing happened. I mean, yeah it really fucking sucked for me the first week, and the next, and the one after that. But it’s whatever now. I’m used to the fact that you’re gone. I’m just indifferent now. I don’t have too many overwhelming feelings anymore, just bits and pieces of old memories that make me wince every now and then because it cuts like glass. I try to remind myself that new ones replace the old ones. (Memories, I mean). It’s almost depressing to think that at one point, we thought that we were inseparable and that nothing could tear us apart. You even said it yourself. Isn’t it funny how the person who claimed us to be inseparable was the same person who tore us apart? Yes, you. The one who made me feel like I’ve never felt before. The one that I loved more than anything. But also the one who left me with nothing. Not even closure, not even the truth. I think that’s what I really need, but if I hear your voice or see your name light up on my phone screen, I might spontaneously combust. I’m doing fine, really. I think I’m getting better without you. I don’t need a good morning text to get through the day anymore, or the sweet lies you used to tell me. (Back then I thought it was the truth. I know better now.) Sometimes I think maybe we’re not for each other because I was taught that love never gives up. You gave up on me. All the things, thoughts, and emotions I invested on you. You gave that all up. I wanted to be everything you needed but I just wasn’t enough. You replaced me but I’m erasing you and I’m happy. I was taught that love never gives up, but now I’m giving up on you like you gave up on me. I guess it means I don’t love you anymore.